Stay Home Dad

This week is the first week as a stay at home dad (SAHD). Kudos to all parents that have done this before (especially the Mrs. for her dedication of the prior five weeks). This is one tough job.

To set things straight, I'll be home during the week and work on the weekend while the Mrs. stays home. This way we can keep from putting CM. in a daycare. We just can't afford it. Strange, as a household, we make enough to be considered in the middle class (if not upper middle) yet living in South Florida and the cost of living rising drains it out of you so fast.

So far, I've managed to keep CM alive on Monday by myself, with help all day Tuesday and Wednesday. She hasn't rolled off of a bed and bounced on the floor. She hasn't had any weird circumstances happen to her (yet). I would say I'm doing ok.

Today may be an exception. My plans include taken her to the mall (maybe) for clothing more my taste and then to the local home improvement store for supplies. It'll be fun, if all goes well. Photos will come soon...

Joy of Joys!

Thursday the 19th, my first child, a daughter, was born. It was a little unexpected. Here's the scoop, from my point of view.

Mrs. wakes me up before 7:00am. She's gone to the restroom several times and continues to feel as if she has to go. Around 7:00 she gets to having dizzy spells and a slight pain. Doctor's office opens around 7:30am on this particular day, so we decide to eat a light breakfast before we leave.

At the Doc's, we sign in at 10 'til 9:00 (breakfast + getting ready (ie. dressing) + feed and walk various animals). We wait another hour (almost) before they assign us a examination room. Midwife/nurse comes in, we tell her the scoop. She pokes and prods my wife. Then...

"You're dilated 3cm. You've gone into labor."

Hey! Wait a minute. We're not due for 4+ weeks. Shouldn't the water have broken? What happened to the gushing fluid? The painful contractions, etc.?

So they send us to the hospital. Pretty routine, it sounds like. They call ahead to warn the hospital staff. We leave and...

Stop at the bookstore! On the way to the hospital! Mrs. was worried that it would take a while, so she wanted to pick up a book to read if she got bored. During all this she feels slight pain, again.

I'm freaking out. Is the baby, OK? Why is it happening so soon? Got to get to the hospital so my wife and child can be taken care of. "Did you get your book? We're not making any more stops!"

We get to the hospital without any accidents or cops pulling us over, nothing like in the movies (I was disappointed). We start the paperwork (wife still doing fine), they put her into a wheelchair and usher her to a room. She gets out of her clothes, into a prepared gown, onto the bed, and strapped to the instruments. I sit down and proceed to tap my foot/wring my hands. So far, so good.

Nurse informs us that the tightening of the belly is actually a contraction with my wife talking through it. I'm starting to feel pretty good about this. Wife's doing great. Then she starts turning into a pretzel at 60-90 sec. intervals. Nurse, "Breathe, don't push." So I step in to help. "Breathe, relax the muscles" + backrubs seems to help. Slowly gets worse. Doctor finally shows up. I repeat my new mantra and the doctor says, "No, it's OK. She can push now." She's told push for 10 sec. and repeat. My new mantra becomes "Deep breath and push, 1, 2, 3,..."

In between spells, she has to sign paperwork (because fathers are idiots who can't sign anything or make decisions while they're wives are in pain), gets told not to flex in certain ways and how to hold her legs so the baby will shoot out. The doctor and nurses, while prodding around down there, talk about vacations and the weather. (As silly as it seemed to me at the time, "My wife is in pain, can't ya'll focus on her, instead?", the Mrs. said it actually helped with taking her mind off of the pain.)

The bad aspects of the whole birth are few:
1. It happened so fast, the Mrs. couldn't get any pain killers to help.
2. I thought they would make me wear the gown/booties/face mask/hat before things got going. Nope. I saw everyone else bundle up. I jumped when fluids came out because I was still in shorts and sandals and it creeped me out to think of that stuff splashing all over my legs. (Yeah, I could wash it off, but come on!)
3. We thought, when we left for the hospital, that it was just a check-up at the doc's. So...we left clothing, my phone (hers died shortly after we left), and camera at home. I couldn't take any photos until I could get home later. Fortunately, a nurse found a camera and took several photos of me with my daughter when they first took her to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).
4. She came early. As I mentioned before 4 weeks, 6 days early. Because she was early, she has to stay at the hospital for observation.

Mrs. is doing fine now. I am so proud of her. She really didn't scream or anything. The doctor commented after I left that she was very stoic during the entire process.

I'm not freaking out any more (other than trying to clean up home for babies arrival). After I left with the baby, Mrs. was told that I was a great coach. We didn't even take any classes on how to do it! (I have to thank Nurse Christina for the role she played because I wouldn't have known what to do without her guidance.)

God willing, I think everything will be alright. (More on baby and post birth in following posts.)

The answer is...

In some small way, I do get a big ego when people come to me to ask questions as if I'm an expert in the subject. When I think about it, however, I tend to feel embarrassed because for the most part the things I'm typically asked are simple things.

When working with fish, my coworkers (and sometimes the managers) would ask for my advice. Typically it would concern ratio of gravel per gallon in an aquarium, number of fish in said tank, types of fish that are cohabitable, etc. Basically simple questions that with time they would have found out anyways (or should have already known). Even the pastor of my church calls me, occasionally, to ask a question or two. I frequently get this now that I've gone back to training. Customers/clients are frequently needing advice on how to handle a variety of situations, i.e. potty training, barking, socialization, etc.

I don't mind. I like to be helpful. What worries me is that I may become a know-it-all and ramble on when a short answer would be just fine. How much is enough? Do I get a boring monotone after a while?

My wife is looking forward to the first match between our daughter and me. "Why" will be followed with a long and boring answer. "Why" again followed by another long answer. The Mrs. fully believes our children will learn to ask me questions only if they really want the answer for fear of being bored by the lecture that will follow.

On one hand, I could say, "Be careful what you ask the person who knows everything, for you may get more than you expected." On the other hand, I ask for the wisdom to understand I don't know everything and the wisdom to make my answers more effective with less blabbing.

Which will it be this weekend at work?

My rant about gas.

I've started my old position at a new store. I'm a dog trainer again. I don't mind that. It's the drive. Not the distance. I can handle that. It's the gas. Every mile I put on the truck, my mind is thinking, "There goes another gallon." I'm not even going to get started on the cost of gas. (Not much, at least.)

I'm looking forward to the potential of moving to the new store. It's just a hop, skip and a jump to work which is different from everywhere I've been working since Pittsburgh. I liked being able to walk less than ten minutes to work. Not even enough time to build up a sweat. While the new store won't be quite so close, it is within biking distance. (My biking distance is any distance I can bike to in thirty minutes or less. I can bike much farther, I just get more sweaty doing it.)

Will gas prices going up end up costing me more than I can earn before the new store opens? If so, I may have to take a little hiatus and get a temp job much closer. The only other options would be less costly vehicle to drive like an electric vehicle (EV)(too costly to purchase or make in the short term), a scooter/motorcycle (too dangerous, according to wife, on local roads), or pumping it on a bicycle (which would take forever on local roads over twenty miles it takes to get to work), or public transport (heaven help me try to figure out the local bus schedule/routes).

I know what some people would say. "I have to drive farther than that every day." Up hill, both ways, in the snow. Yes, I know how bad it could be.

I keep remembering the first few years that I was living with my wife before we got married. We didn't have a car for the majority of the time that we lived in Pittsburgh. After we moved to Florida, we still got around on foot or bike (putting quite a few miles on both).

The question is, how much is too much? Does the price of gas have to go to $8/gal. (recent prediction) before the average person has to start finding alternatives? What is your limit? I told my wife that a $50 fill-up* may be my limit, but as local prices start to approach that number, is it really?

*$50 for my truck just short of once a week plus $50 for wife's car per week. That's $100 out of our paycheck per week just to drive to work and typical errands (not even a heavy driving such as trips to Miami or Boca/Delray).

Choices in life

Last year, I was considering where my life might be going. Because we were planning on the near possibility of starting a family, I decided to go ahead and take the store's offer to be manager. I asked and they said sure. Once I was done teaching my training classes, they sent me to management training. The Mrs. went to Asia at the same time. We both got back within a few days of each other. Bada bing, we had a baby on the way. (We missed each other. Seven years and I still miss her every time she leaves!)

I expected to be put in charge of stocking (a lower position but one I thought I could learn in). Instead, they put me over the animal section (fish, birds, small mammals, reptiles). Not quite six months later and I've already been demoted back to training. It was that or get fired. The only reason I didn't get fired was because my two supervisors really put their neck in the noose to try and keep me. (Thank you A.D. and Mr. E.)

At this point, I'm thinking that the whole management thing wasn't were I needed to go. The Mrs. pointed out that during that time, I didn't do as much around the condo (aka. chores). I worked long hours (40+ hours = more money!). Not to mention, I also pretty much quit school. What would happen if I kept up with this when the baby was born?

Now I've got a little more flexibility, as far as time is concerned. Now there is the possibility that I'll stay home with the baby as a pseudo stay at home dad while the wife is at work. When she gets home, I'll leave to go to work for a few days a week (= part time) and possibly start school again. I like this better. My daughter won't have to stay with someone outside of the family for the first few years, at least until she gets old enough for daycare (and we get the money). That and I'll have more time with her.

Do I regret the management issue? No. I learned a great deal. How to be a better manager for one. I'll miss the money, I suppose. The future will be a little tight but we've lived with a lot less money before (try 1/4 of what we currently make). This will also give me a chance to get more projects done and that's what I'm really happy about. Maybe I'll finally get my workshop cleaned up...

It's a girl. There, you can see...

I was stunned when I heard that our child is a girl. I'm happy to have one. Like most fathers, though, I guess I hoped for a boy. In hindsight, I suppose this was only because I don't know a single thing about raising a girl. After all, being a boy, I can at least go on my own experience with a son.

My first thoughts went to protection. (I've since read that this is normal for fathers of daughters.) I remember what it was like as a boy in elementary school, a teenage boy, and a college kid. Do you know what goes through their heads? Do I want my daughter to have to deal with boys?

Second, all I know about girls I learned from the girls I've been around. What do I know about raising a girl? What about hair, make-up (Ok. This one I know only because of school), times of the month, boy crushes, etc.? How does a guy deal with these things?

I had always had an interest in how-to books, Boy/Cub Scout books, and the like. You know, the ones that teach you how to do all sorts of fun things. I had bought "The Dangerous Book for Boys" for our child (yeah right) when we thought it might be a boy. I loved it. When it ended up being a girl, I immediately decided to get the sequel, "The Daring Book for Girls".

Well, let's just say, pirate names were considered for our daughter.

My plans so far have been to raise an adventure seeking, intelligent, athletic, woman. Someone like Lara Croft, Charly Baltimore, Molly Millions (William Gibson's books). A girl who likes to climb, run, swim, build, pretend, and play. One who can hold her own against a bully. A daughter that will become famous for some great discovery or achievement.

On the other hand, I would like a child who isn't so much like my wife and I. One that won't make us worry that she'll get hurt. Can she just lead a quiet life, study hard, do well in school, get a great job and marry a very fortunate man that her mother and I like?

Either way, I know that there will be days throughout her life where I will turn to the person next to me and, with pride in my voice, say "That's my daughter". I will be happy with her no matter what.

Welcome

I figure a way to chronicle my life with my family might be nice, especially for family members who will want regular updates. You see, the Mrs. and me are expecting a daughter in about two+ months. Most of our family live in other parts of the country and we aren't the best about keeping in contact with them. Maybe this blog will help.